Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
