take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize