Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
