I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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