Got a toothbrush?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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