No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
