There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
