So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's never too late to be topless.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
