The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
