We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
