it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize