I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
