break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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