i think i have two assholes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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