it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
