i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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