Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
