Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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