well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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