There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
