I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm passing your future prison.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
