Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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