Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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