There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
