I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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