May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
