he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
