I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
