I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize