Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
