I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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