I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize