Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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