I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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