His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
