Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
