I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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