He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Randomize
