If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
