Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
