I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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