official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
