I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
