These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
