I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
time to smoke my breakfast
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
