I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
