Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
