ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
