and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
