btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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