I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
