I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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