We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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