I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
