I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
They left me at home... I'm a liability
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
