dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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