I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
