Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
