Your tits are I can't wait for
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
