Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
