I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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