whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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