Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize