Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
