Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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