so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
