You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
