it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize