You're so nebulous sometimes
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
