He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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