are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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