Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
