i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
