I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
