his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
