Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
