I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
