i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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